So I've been thinking

There was a time, some years ago, when I was laid off from my job (first time that had happened) and it really threw me into a downward spiral. I got really depressed and hit rock-bottom. Then one day I decided that I'd had enough, and began to work out for something insane like 2 hours a day. I also made myself a "To Do" list every single day, wrote it big on a white board for me to see and work on finishing every single day. It kinda gave me a sense of purpose, something to work towards every day, which felt good when I had erased the last thing.

I'm not sure that I can pull off the working out for 2 hours a day thing, but I'm DEFINITELY going to do something about losing the baby weight and get myself back on track. I've never met a single human being that doesn't have some kind of value to what they look like, so I am not ashamed to admit that I feel the need to improve things about my physical appearance to feel better about myself. It just matters to me, it is what it is.

The "To-Do" list has recently come to me as being a good idea. And I mean a "To-Do" list that goes beyond waking with the baby, changing the baby, feeding the baby, playing with the baby, putting the baby down for naps, washing bottles, doing laundry, occasionally indulging in my crime shows, and getting ready for work. I love being a mother, I love my son more than I can even express in words, but I gotta have something more than this.

I want to fix things that are going wrong. I have no health insurance so I can't see anybody about these problems. And, is that what is truly needed? I've taken medication before and it does help certain things but it comes with its own set of problems. I have a very bad taste in my mouth from them, I'm reluctant to walk that path again.

But I can't deny any longer what's happening. The question is, what am I going to do about it?